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Famous Quotes
ebooksDate: Friday, 24.04.2009, 01:59 | Message # 1
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Here I will list the best quotes I have heard and read.
Also please post which you have heard and which do you like.

I made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short.
Blaise Pascal

It is more important to know where you are going than to get there quickly.
Mabel Newcomber

I want to know God's thoughts... the rest are details.
Albert Einstein

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
Walt Disney

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.
Socrates

Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up.
Jesse Jackson

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor
the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the
spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers
that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust
him with his friendship.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you.
Colin Raye

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
Fredrick Nietzsche

Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal.
Fredrick Nietzsche

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Mark Twain

The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.
Mark Twain

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
Mark Twain

 
ebooksDate: Friday, 24.04.2009, 02:04 | Message # 2
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Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.
Voltaire

Prejudices are what fools use for reason.
Voltaire

If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.
Voltaire

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
Voltaire

The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.
Voltaire

It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere.
Voltaire

There are men who can think no deeper than a fact.
Voltaire

Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.
Voltaire

Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
Voltaire

By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.
Voltaire

Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.
Voltaire

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.
Plato

No one ever teaches well who wants to teach, or governs well who wants to govern.
Plato

This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.
Plato

Courage is knowing what not to fear.
Plato

The measure of a man is what he does with power.
Plato

 
ebooksDate: Friday, 24.04.2009, 02:08 | Message # 3
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Winston Churchill Quotes

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.

George Carlin Quotes

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man?living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”

I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.

What year did Jesus think it was?

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

“No comment” is a comment.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Steve Martin Quotes

Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies - all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

Why is it we don’t always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?
* As Harris K. Telemacher in “L.A. Story” (1991)

Steven Colbert Quotes

“To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush?I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I’m a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough?Somebody shoot me in the face.”
-Roasting Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ dinner

On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice.

There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

Folks, the President needs a break. He’s like a Black and Decker cordless Dirt Devil vacuum. If you don’t recharge his batteries, he can’t suck.

I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

Now, I don’t see color. People tell me I’m white and I believe them because police officers call me “sir”.

Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends that are going to hell.”

Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

Jon Stewart Quotes

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There’s just one problem - it’s in North Korea.

We declared war on terror-it’s not even a noun, so, good luck.

Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.
Jon Stewart’s Stand-up performance at RIT, 2005

Bill Maher Quotes

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.

They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week,
which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.

Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.”

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”

Larry David Quotes

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there’s your diamond in the rough.

If you tell the truth about how you’re feeling, it becomes funny.

I’m surprized Hitler didn’t round up the toupee people.”

Dennis Miller Quotes

A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

The average American’s day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles’s dart board.

“The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.”

Jay Leno Quotes

Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Sarah Silverman Quotes

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

Chris Rock Quotes

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to
go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more?”

“You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”
Chris Rock while hosting the Oscars

Gas is getting so expensive I’m gonna ride a mexican to work.

 
ebooksDate: Friday, 24.04.2009, 03:12 | Message # 4
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Napoleon

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the former.
Albert Einstein

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
Eleanor Roosevelt

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
Albert Einstein

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Albert Einstein

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
Albert Einstein

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
Albert Einstein

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Albert Einstein

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Mahatma Gandhi

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.
Winston Churchill

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Albert Einstein

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Bob Hope

War doesn't determine who's right - only who's left.
Bertrand Russell

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein

If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.
George Bernard Shaw

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.
Sam Ewing

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Mark Twain

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.
Henry Ford

And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It is the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.
Johnny Carson

Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
Arthur C. Clarke

Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard

You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"
George Bernard Shaw

The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.
Muhammad Ali

The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.
Tom Clancy

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Mark Twain

Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.
Mahatma Gandhi

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma Gandhi

If you're going through hell, keep going.
Winston Churchill

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
Winston Churchill

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Al Capone

I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.
Herbert Bayard Swope

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Mark Twain

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
Galileo Galilei

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Albert Einstein

If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.
Paul Newman

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Rodney Dangerfield

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
Aldous Huxley

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
Josef Stalin

During our crossing, Einstein explained his theory to me every day, and by the time we arrived I was fully convinced he understood it.
Chaim Weizmann

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Mark Twain

Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course.
George Bernard Shaw

When you finally go back to your old hometown, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.
Sam Ewing

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.
Indira Gandhi

A successful man is one who can earn more money than his wife can possibly spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man.
Anonymous

I am ready to meet my maker, but whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Winston Churchill

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Mario Andretti

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.
Galileo Galilei

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
Napoleon

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
Mahatma Gandhi

A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it.
Albert Einstein

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Winston Churchill

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
Douglas Adams

... when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet 'em on your way down.
Wilson Mizner

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like.
Jean Cocteau

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips

If you want a thing done well, do it yourself.
Napoleon

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
Mark Twain

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
Oscar Wilde

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
Mark Twain

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
Arthur Schopenhauer

I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.
Albert Einstein

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Galileo Galilei

You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your tricks of war.
Napoleon

The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization.
Sigmund Freud

Quality means doing it right when no one is looking.
Henry Ford

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office.
Robert Frost

Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
Anonymous

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Isaac Asimov

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Mark Twain

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
Rita Mae Brown

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Peter O'Toole

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Albert Einstein

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own set of laws.
Douglas Adams

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then it was too late.
Max Kaufman

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Elbert Hubbard

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Douglas Adams

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Mark Twain

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
Winston Churchill

Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Karl Marx

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Rich Cook

I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
Albert Einstein

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Albert Einstein

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Mark Twain

I am desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Dave Edison

Don't be afraid of death so much as an inadequate life.
Bertolt Brecht

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Sam Levenson

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die the world cries and you rejoice.
Indian Proverb

A woman knows she's wearing the right dress, when her man wants to take it off.
Robert Paul

Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.
William Faulkner

Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind.
John F. Kennedy

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's a pretty good empty experience.
Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
Woody Allen

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
Robert Frost

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth - even if it costs him his job.
Samuel Goldwyn

Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.
Albert Einstein

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Mahatma Gandhi

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
Elbert Hubbard

Life isn't worth living, unless it is lived for someone else.
Albert Einstein

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Aldous Huxley

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
Mae West

The great question - which I have not been able to answer - is, "What does a woman want?"
Sigmund Freud

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.
Aldous Huxley

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.
Henry Ford

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
Yakov Smirnoff

Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what's right.
Isaac Asimov

History is a set of lies agreed upon.
Napoleon

The greatest mistake you can make is to be continually fearing you will make one.
Elbert Hubbard

No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.
Albert Einstein

Divide and rule, a sound motto. Unite and lead, a better one.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Saving is a fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
Winston Churchill

The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk.
Patrick Murray

If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.
Albert Einstein

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.
Douglas Adams

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.
Mel Brooks

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
Albert Einstein

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
Aldous Huxley

Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong.
Muhammad Ali

He who cannot be a good follower cannot be a good leader.
Aristotle

You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.
Henry Ford

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Mark Twain

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
George Bernard Shaw

 
ebooksDate: Friday, 24.04.2009, 04:18 | Message # 5
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There are three ways to get something done; do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
Mona Crane

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Robert Orben

Having smoking and non-smoking sections in the same room is like having urinating and non-urinating sections in a swimming pool.
Ross Parker

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
George Bernard Shaw

Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach.
Aristotle

Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
Homer Simpson

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
P. J. O'Rourke

Life is what happens when you are making other plans.
John Lennon

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Elayne Boosler

When in doubt tell the truth.
Mark Twain

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.
Will Rogers

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.
Japanese Proverb

What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
Dave Barry

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Ambrose Bierce

The road to success is always under construction.
Anonymous

Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts... perhaps the fear of a loss of power.
John Steinbeck

 
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